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Archive for November, 2013

Charting a Love Map

Posted on Saturday, November 9th, 2013 by Sanctuary staff

by Darcy Hakkarainen

In October I had the privelege of  speaking to a Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group.  The leader of this group shared about the passion these women have about their marriages.  She asked me to  help them put that drive into practical action.

I loved her request, because marriage requires practical actions that nurture and grow this very important relationship. This is true for couples without children, for couples with children of every age, and for couples in every stage of life.

Dr. John Gottman, a researcher out of the University of Washington, has found that growing your friendship and your
knowledge of your partner’s inner psychological world is the foundation of a solid relationship.  Love Map is the term Gottman uses for the interest you have in making a “road map” of what is important to your spouse.  To do this you must study your spouse and know what is going on in their world: who their friends are, what pressures they experience at work, and what are their current passions and hobbies.

Asking questions is a critical skill in developing a Love Map.  Having a Love Map for your spouse can help you stay “tuned in” to the the salient things in their life.  In our last newsletter I wrote about knowing your spouse’s Love Language, which is one way to strengthen your Love Map.  I am sharing a few of Gottman’s “Love Map Questions” (thanks to his Bringing Baby Home program).  I hope you enjoy exploring these questions with your spouse!

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